Communication with GOD

I would like to tell you my story of when I felt like I had communication from God.

This story begins approximately four or five years ago. I had decided to move back home with my mom because my Dad was dying from cancer. I wanted to be with my Dad and support my mom. While at home, I was emotionally confused and psychologically messed up. I couldn’t deal with the reality of it all, of death and sickness, so I turned to drugs to help me. Escapism at it's finest. I did a lot of drugs and I did them all the time. I even showed up high for work. I remained addicted until the evening of my Dad's passing. Following that night, I replaced my drug addiction for depression. As weeks turned into months, I became exceedingly despondent, miserable, and lonely. I floated around absent-mindedly staring at walls all day and had gained 15 pounds as a result. I hated my life. I hated me. My father's death took me for a ride. My friendships didnÂ’t mean a thing to me, and I became angry. Yet deep down I was still thirsty for love. For something strong. Finding love was so important to me that I thought it would make me feel more human. Unwilling to share myself with just anyone, my heart ached and I yearned to feel right again. We've all felt so shitty that we thought it would never get better. I am definitely an optimist by nature, but those were rough days, and I didn't see the light at the end. I remember doing my journalling, meditating and praying for something good.

Then. I met someone that would later help change my life. And completely change my life I should say. I knew he was the one when I saw him, when he saw me, and when we spoke our first words. We fell for each other instantly. For the past 4 and half years, we have been together; talking, learning, laughing, fighting, crying and changing. Whenever I reflect on that day, I know it and I feel it - he was sent to me. The light returned into my eyes. He taught me to love again, to open my heart and to be true. I have become the beautiful soul that was intended for me.

Some people might call this experience a karmic relationship and I agree with that, but I also strongly believe that it is God who led me to this man. Indeed, this wasn’t a direct encounter with God, but IS there ever really any direct communication with him? What counts is that God heard me…and he always does. In a famous poem “Love Dogs” the poet Rumi wrote:

The longing you express is the return message.
The grief you cry out from draws you toward union.
Your pure sadness that wants help is the secret cup.
Listen to the moan of a dog for its master. That whining is the connection.

Being such an enlightening poem, I could identify with it. My depression, my misery and that phase of my life are sanctified by that idea. It assures me now that the longing, the search and the questions that I had are a proof of my communion with God. God shares with me the echo of my "whimpers" as in the poem and in return he/she shows me my connection to spirit. Hallelujah!