Is life like toilet paper?

September has arrived. The beginning of this month sends Vancouverites scrambling, trying to relish the last few days of sunshine. This month is also when people go back to their routines and stay indoors more. In Vancouver, that means many people will begin buying their tickets for the Fringe Festival, the Film Festival and yes, even planning their ferry rides for the Thanksgiving holiday. The next thing you know, we'll be dressing up for Hallowe'en and seeing Christmas lights in the mall.

Indeed, it amazes me how time seems to accelerate as I get older, and I'm not even that old! Will I ever be able to make my time in this Earth slow down? More importantly, why does TIME go faster as we age? I once met someone who compared the speed of our lives to a toilet paper roll. As she explained it, from the beginning of the roll, it is new, full and takes a long time to deplete. However, as the roll is used more, it begins to run out. Faster and faster it spins, after each use, then, just when you are not at all ready for it to end, the roll finishes. No more toilet paper for you. Time's up! Bye-bye. Sort of depressing, isn't it?

The thing is, I see it another way. The feeling that time just files by is not an issue of age, but of mentality. I thought about the world a lot more differently when I was young. I rarely pined over the past nor did I wish my life away over unknown future events. Aside from a few birthdays and Christmas seasons, perhaps you were the same as I was. I didn't worry over the past nor did I try to control the future. But now, as an adult it takes so much effort for me not to do that. I can't seem to get out of the habit of obsessing about prior experiences as well as the ones to come. As a result, I am not aware of how fast my life is speeding by. I only start to realize the present at times like these, when seasons change for example. Indeed, this is why TIME just seems to slip through my fingers.

I am aware that this is not an original thought, it's been said many times before in various ways. But, it may make you think about toilet paper in a way you never have before, or not.

Random Thought

Life In Balance.
I have been having thoughts about passion and desire and let me share with you what I know to be true from the Lao-Tzu (the writer of the Tao Te Ching)

Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present

Once

Every once in a while you see a good movie. Yet, let me ask you a question: "how many times have you walked out of a theatre believing you had just seen the finest piece of art on screen?" Yes, I know it doesn't happen very often, but it did to me.

Once is a beautifully written and directed story of two very gifted and candid musicians who unexpectedly meet and fall in love. Subsequently, we become witness to the process they go through as they write and record music together that reflects on their hurtful past relationships and new-found love for each other. Coined a modern day musical, it is a testament to love, beauty and art. But hold on men! Don’t run away because this is by no means a sappy, romance. Indeed, Hollywood could take a few lessons from Once writer and director John Carney on portraying real, complex, and mature characters.

Though the story is somewhat predictable, the filming of the unique life events and struggles surrounding these two musicians seem totally unrehearsed - as though the audience experiences everything at the same time as the characters. Filmed in a style that feels like Polaroid snapshots, the movie’s camera work and angles pull the audience in and captivate.

However, the real brilliance of this movie begins with the opening of the movie, as a heartfelt and honest song is played out on guitar by Glen Hansard. I will avoid going too much into the musical aspects because words won’t do any justice. If for no other reason you watch this film, go for the music. The soundtrack is inspiring, refreshing and heartening.

Interestingly, I also came away with some valuable life lessons on passion, dedication and responsibility, which added more layers to this apparently simple story. What all of this means is if you are like me, you will be skipping out of this movie yelling "Thank God people out there still know how to make a movie!" Amen.

Sting is Magic

Every little thing Sting does is magic. I say this after watching the Police reunion tour concert on Wednesday night at GM place. I am not a die hard Police fan, but at age 11, I listened to their tape cassettes in my brother's bedroom just before going to bed. Back then, I didn't understand what the lyrics meant, though I bopped my head to the rock ballad of "Every Breath you Take" as well as the reggae sound in "Roxsanne." At Wednesday's concert, I revisted the memory bank of all my first times and happy endeavours, all the while waiting for them to play "Don't Stand So Close to Me" and of course "De do do do, de da da da"

But what I realized from this concert was that the Police are still very talented musicians and take themselves quite seriously. I was blown away by their attempt to bring even more life to the old classics such as "So lonely" and "King of Pain." With the personality of Stewart Copeland's percussion interludes as well as adding soul and funk to Andy Summer's guitar rifts, and playing up the chorus to the point where the audience was singing along, it seemed as though the infamous band and I were sitting alone in the same room.

Thankfully, there was a huge movie screen hanging from the top of the stage - meaning that every nook and cranny of Sting's face fell under scrutiny. His eyes twinkled, his smile communicated a calm, self-respecting manner and he had by no means any problem belting out those long high notes. It was a very personal concert for many and I wasn't surprised when I heard someone behind me crying alongside other members in the crowd to the song "Wrapped Around your Finger." (For me it had to have been the best song of the entire concert.) I don't know if it was the lights, the smoke from the smog machine or the way Sting looked out at the audience swaying in sync, but I probably could have cried too. For me, it was not simply a night of musical appreciation but one of nostalgia and sheer celebration of a good old-fashioned rock band. At the risk of sounding like my parents I must say: "They sure don't make them like they used to!"

Cyril's new play

My my my, how long it has been since my last posting. I just haven't had anything to talk about. Actually, I still don't have a lot to talk about except for my boyfriend's new play. Some of you who know me have already heard about this play ( perhaps more than once), but for those of you who haven't - well, I'll tell you about it.

The play is called "QUAD" and the premise goes like this. It's a story about Jessie (who with his partner) wants to adopt a special needs child. Oddly, Jessie also has a disability and the audience is then pulled into a character study of Jessie and the relationships around him/her. I say him/her becuase in this play Jessie could be acted out by either a man or a woman, depending on how the audience decides. What this means is that at the start of the play every night, the audience will cast their vote for which actor will play the roles in the play. Sounds like fun? How about stressful? Cyril (my boyfriend) has had to memorize the lines for all 4 roles and on top of that he has been doing character work for each of the roles. Needless to say, it has been a whirlwind and I think it's been a great challenge for him.

Cyril and the other actors in this play will have to explore gay relationships and other unique life circumstances in light of the play. So, it should be very interesting to see how the actors choose to act out the different roles every night. The play opens tommorrow in Deep Cove and I'll be seeing it for the first time on Wednesday. But I'll probably go see it more than once. After all, it should be fun to see Cyril once again on stage. I know some people who are going just to see a different side to him. Stay tuned and I'll let you know how it turns out. Until next time, ciao.

Raincouver

I have lived in Vancouver all my life, but I had never heard of Raincouver until I started teaching ESL. My students claim that the word Raincouver is famous all over the world. Usually when they tell me this, I look at them suspiciously. “I’ve never heard of that before,” I say. Then, they just stare at me like I’m the weird one.

The rain affects my students quite a bit. Once, a conversation with one student started like this: “So Masa, how’s it going?” The student then looked out the window and said: “Um, not good.” Of course, he was looking at the dark, grey clouds looming over the mountains. (I guessed that the weather was supposed to indicate his mood.) When he planned his trip to come to Raincouver, he said he knew all about our weather. He had heard from his friends and friends of friends how wet it can get. But, it still took him by surprise. “We’ve only had two days of sunshine since I arrived!” he cried.

I optimistically remind my students that Vancouver is in the middle of a rain forest. I show them Kitsilano beach where a special poem is written on a rock about the rain in Vancouver. I teach them different words and expressions for rain in the English language. And on especially dark and dreary days, I even bring in cookies and funny songs to listen to like Garbage’s “I’m only happy when it rains!” No matter what I do, they rarely seem impressed. Then again, I can’t blame them - this city has the most rain they’ve ever seen fall in one month.

But, Vancouverites know it’s NOT the end of the world. The truth is once you’ve lived here for while, you get used to it. It’s not that bad, really it’s not. Summer is on it’s way.

What's the hullabaloo?

Drama, drama, drama! Have you ever noticed that some people get overly excited for no good reason? I have to admit that I can be at times guilty of being overly sensitive or reactionary, but lately I’ve realized that it’s totally not worth it. It just takes too much energy to be a drama queen.

The following is a conversation I overheard of a woman talking on her cell phone. It went something like this: “What? Are you serious? That is weird…so creepy. Like oh my god. What? I’m so angry! Okay, wait. Well you can’t do that with people who are not your friends, seriously!” I don’t know, she was like…” blah blah blah.

And that’s when I thought about how I used to be like that. It’s interesting how when you get older you care less and less about shit things like that. Now hold on, I’m not being a big jerk. Really, I’m a compassionate person…(maybe my friends would agree?) But I truly don’t want to get that involved in other people’s lives anymore.

It safe to say that women are the worst culprits of getting overly emotionally involved. We dish out the drama and we also eat it up. We are mentally, emotionally, and psychologically capable of gabbing, nagging and bitching for hours. And at the end of it all, we say we feel a lot better…but we really don’t. What happens is that gab/nag/bitch-fest lingers in our minds for the next few days. Some of us go on to retell our loved ones what was said and then we continue to dissect the “issue.” It never ends.

Well I’m here to say that I no longer want to be a participating member. I’m tired of it and so is everyone else. Let’s move on already! How about just letting it go? (Or better yet dealing with it personally rather than making everybody else suffer?)

People (especially women) get so worked up because they feel that it is their god given ‘right’ to feel or even defend. Furthermore, our feelings need to be validated. We sometimes attach too much meaning to feelings. “Well, I feel like this because… or that made me feel ‘blank’ because…” Basically, our feelings are a response to something outside of ourselves.

But, why does it have to be so? Feelings should be a direct correlation to us, and us only! No wonder women feel wiped out or like they don’t have enough time…because they sometimes spend most of their energy on things that don’t even affect them. I don’t know, maybe I really AM a big jerk. What do you think? Should people just shut up and keep their personal lives and negativity to themselves? Maybe that's just the way some of us are and perhaps some people can't or don't want to change.

But I want to ask you: " How does the world around you affect you?"

I'm Obsolete!

After searching the Internet for job postings over the past couple of months, I have come to the sad realization that I am obsolete - I have absolutely no computer knowledge. There isn’t a reputable company out there that will hire me because of it.

I am a teacher: I have a lot of people skills, deal well in the leadership role, communicate excellently and I don’t need to be supervised. All this time, I thought that it was enough. But now I need to know how to use things like Java, Dreamweaver and e-learning software that I haven’t even heard of. Argh…my world is crashing down on me. The truth is I have been trying to ignore the onset of the computer age ever since I started teaching. Unfortunately, I can’t ignore it anymore. I’ve registered into an HTML course and will start there. There’s a lot to learn so I think I’ll start at the beginning, *Sigh…So….have any of you felt like this?

Gung Hay Fat Choy!! - Happy Chinese New Year. I had a nice day today, eating Dim Sun with friends, walking through Chinatown, taking pictures and watching the Chinese New Year parade. It's the year of the Golden Pig -(oink oink).

Particularly, I want to say thank you to a young native woman in purple that I met today while I was walking on the street. She was sitting quietly cross-legged on the sidewalk in Chinatown. I didn’t notice her until I smelled the burning sage. She looked up at me when I passed by and I quickly felt a soft tickle in my heart. By looking into me and acknowledging my being, she lifted my spirit up and gave it light. I didn’t know if she realized what she had done, but when I turned my head around to see her, she was already looking right at me. She gave me a little nod of the head. I smiled back at her. Though her intention was simply to say hello to me, it meant a lot more. It reminded me to see people beyond their physicality because humans are souls and spiritual beings. Even more, it reminded me that I am also a living spirit who has her own guides and angels all around. I’ve forgotten about my guides. I stupidly cast them off a while ago, telling them to leave me alone for a bit. But, now I’m off to go meditate (something I haven’t done for so long.) So, "thank you" young native lady in purple…"namaste!"

Perhaps, it wasn't meant to be...

“There’s nothing like rejection to make you do an inventory of yourself.”
- James Lee Burke

So I didn’t get the job. I went through the rigorous interview process, put my heart into it and said my prayers of gratitude for the opportunity. But, I was rejected. I probably should just end this post right here but I won’t…because just as life does, you gotta keep on going. If my mom were here she would say something to the tune of “next time you’ll get them!” Although I know it doesn’t serve a purpose, I am upset about it and I am dwelling. What should I do now?

Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. There is so much in life that can be reasoned with that one sentence. Even if I don’t know what is meant for me, somehow, that expression makes me feel better.

Men with BAD MANNERS

Listen up, I am writing my first ever rant!
My girlfriends and I went out last Friday for a girl's night out and discovered unfortunately how rude some men are. Here we were, a group of girls together. All night we were stared at, touched and cussed at. Even the bouncer was barking at us. Actually in truth he was a little funny because we got snarky at him for being grumpy and then he told us we were too sensitive. Well, we ARE women, hmmm…

Nevertheless, this evening was the weirdest experience I've ever dealt with in a nightclub. One gay man called my friend a 'slit with hair' (yes my mouth dropped too!) while a presumably straight one prowled around me trying to cop a feel until we told him to "back off" and he responded with YOU BACK OFF! I was mortified at the attitude. Where have these men been learning to talk like that??? What happened to chivalry? Ok, yes one of them was gay but that's absolutely no excuse! I mean, aren't they the first group of people to be slurred at?

You know my girlfriends and I don't go out that often together, and when we do, we end up hugging a lot, dancing and bonding. I thought it was really shitty that these dumb assholes (excuse the language) couldn't respect that. Even more than that you know, just because I feel sexy and end up having fun...it isn't an invitation for a man to grab me, especially when I am walking to the bathroom! F.Y.I men…I’m not asking for it and I’m not egging you on. And I wasn't even wearing anything that revealing! Imagine if I had! The point is, I’m just with my friends and having a good time. Come on, seriously why do men grab women? (Oh gee pal, thanks for grabbing me and all...I guess you must think I'm kinda cool, huh?) Bleh!

So, if you are a man...please be more aware of how aggressive you are being. Don't ruin our nights for the sake of your egos.
And so ends my rant, thanks for reading..any questions? *(giggle)

CUBA LIBRE

It’s been a couple of weeks now since I’ve come back from Cuba. I regret not writing about my trip sooner. I’m afraid to say that the vivid memories of sights, smells and feelings are slowly dissipating. Looking back at my pictures now, I faintly recall the subtle rhythm of the island. I miss it. In facty, I’ve just finished opening a new CD of a live band we enjoyed listening to in Varadero. And so the nostalgia begins.

Flash back 2 weeks ago to Havana Vieja– a dog lies in the middle of the cracked cement, basking in the warm Cuban sun. There are groups of children in school uniforms bouncing balls against walls and running in back alleys with mothers calling after them. Every corner I turn, men are keeping themselves busy under the hoods of their old Buicks and Chevrolets. A line of Cubanos snakes down the street – they are queuing up for their ration of bread. Then, I peek at a funny looking cigar-smoking granny that is sitting on the stoop of her doorstep. She is watching us pass by.

Beauiful beats of the bongos, the guiro, even a cowbell empty out from cafes, restaurants people’s cars and random apartment windows. “Cha Cha Cha…1, 2," (I can hear an imaginary beat in my head.) It's F@*$% ing sweet. Gotta love that latin jazz!. It doesn’t strain your ear, nor push itself on you. Cuban music has a way of seducing you into hip swaying and gentle shoulder nudging.

All this history under my feet and the people don't hide it. I have to say they know who they are and where they come from. And they are still so gracious. Muchas Gracias CUBA!!! ...... it was a unique vacation.

The Pursuit of Happyness

Do you work at being happy?
How do you pursue your happiness?

In life I think we can work to be happy... or we can work at being happy.
For me, we work to be happy whenever we pursue a goal.
And we work at being happy whenever we let loose, laugh, dance, relax and enjoy life.

I am trying to squeeze out meaning from these questions and the answers.
Sometimes it seems I am forcing happiness, and it even sometimes eludes me.
But in the end, I still feel very optimisitic about life. I see more beauty everyday, everywhere I go.

So I ask you one question: To which pursuit of happiness do you devote the majority of your life?

Attitude of Gratitude

As I rang in the beginning of the new year, I drank a little champagne, sat and watched the party around me. Everyone seemed to be having an awesome time. I wondered how their 2006 was. Did they have a good year or a bad year? It was hard to know because they all looked so happy. When I am in a slump or when things just aren't going my way, looking at happy people can affect me. I often feel better when I am surrounded by smiling, happy people, but other times I feel alienated. Another thing I noticed is how being positive and happy comes naturally for some people while others have to force it. Then, there are others who don't try either way. And this all makes me think about happiness.

I've recently watched a movie called the Secret. Despite the cheesy stories that are told in it, I have to say that this movie really stirred up some new feelings that I have about finding happiness. I suppose this movie doesn't offer anything new, but for some reason it helped me understand much more about life and contentment. I really recommend this movie (or book) for everyone. It's because of this movie that I was able to look around me at the New Year's Eve party and enjoy myself that much more. To find happiness, I don't have to go far at all. I merely have to recognize all that I have been blessed with.

It simple. It's the most basic feeling. It's gratitude. With hugs, kisses and champagne toasts to go around, there was so much abundance and warmth to help me remember that also in my own life, I have an enormous amount to be grateful for. And this made me very happy. So I decided to make it a resolution - to have an attitude of gratitude everyday! It's a guaranteed way to be happy.